Welcome to The Marriage Dance blog. In the Spring of 2007, Bob and I started taking ballroom dance lessons. I had grown up taking ballet and going to social dances so this was something I was comfortable with. Bob, on the other hand, had no dance background. During one of our early lessons I figured I understood what I was doing better than he did so I tried to show him how to do the step without his knowing that I was showing him. That was when he took a step backward, put his arms across his chest and asked, “So, are you going to push me around the dance floor again tonight?”
I was horrified—first, because he’d found me out, but more importantly, I realized that I “push him around” when we’re not on the dance floor. That’s not something I want to do.
As we continued our lessons, we saw more and more parallels between ballroom dance and Christian marriage. In order to have a beautiful dance or a beautiful marriage, there must be communication that comes from the heart, a man who is willing to lead, a woman who is willing to follow, two partners who see their differences as a strength rather than a weakness, and a willingness to confront the problem areas and get rid of them. And that was just what we learned in the beginning class!
The purpose of The Marriage Dance blog is to explore these areas. We hope you will become a regular part of our community and share your insights with us as well.
Leave a Comment
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
Wow – you guys are really dealing with some core issues concerning this most fundamental institution on earth. My wife and I look forward to learning more from you both. But don’t expect us to join you on the ballroom dance floor, since I’m an amputee…
Chris, some people “dance” better with one leg than most people do with two.
When I first heard Roxann speak about “shoving around” I realized that I too did the same thing. I realized that if I wanted my husband to lead I needed to let him by showing him the respect that God intended. I have been challenged over and over again by the wonderful insights and wisdom that both Roxann and Bob have uncovered by their “Marriage Dance” project. Cynthia
As one who learned too late that she was a “pusher” instead of a “respecter” of her husband, I appreciate the candor and discernment that Bob and Roxann share as they compare marriage to dance. We as Christian women often spout the rhetoric of submission to our husbands while resisting them every time they “lead” in a way that is different than what we would choose. How foolish! Bob and Roxann show us the way out of this counterproductive behavior.
I laughed when you said you were “found out.” In trying to be sneaky we are only saying, “how can I get my husband to lead where I want him to go.” Really, that is the same as pushing. I am sure there are many reasons we women try to take the lead. I for one am learning the joy of not taking control. Watching God unfold his plan for my husband has been a transforming journey and I wonder how much I have missed out on by trying to control rather than letting God have his way. Thanks for your humor, honesty and hard hitting truths.
Your comments touched a spot in my heart that surprised me. Why should I ever be surprised when God speaks to me clearly and reminds me lovingly of something that needs changing in my life?
My newly retired husband and I just endured a major move to another state. I realized in reading your post that in an effort to control my new unfamiliar situation, I was indeed trying to control my husband. I believe the concept of the husband’s leadership role in a “marriage dance” is exactly what I need to keep in mind as I continue to adjust, not only to a new home, but also to a new lifestyle of retirement. I had to tell him that I am now going to let him be in charge. What a positive change this has made the last few days! Thank you for ministering to me.
Thanks for sharing your wonderful insights with us. It is such a good reminder to let God and our husbands take the lead instead of trying to lead ourselves, even when we don’t realize we’re doing it!