In the summer of 2002 Bob and I attended John Regier’s advanced marriage seminar. Only 10 couples got in—once a year—and you had to agree to be counseled in front of the other couples. We were so sure we were in good shape, the idea didn’t bother us. Within five minutes, John told us that we had learned how to be really good roommates but we knew nothing about speaking to each other’s heart. I was angry at first—until I realized he had nailed it. Over the next several months, we devoted a good deal of time to learning how to care about each other’s heart. As John told us, “It really messes up the pain.”
We hope to share what God has shown us and that it may be of help to you. Are you interested?
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How exciting! Can’t wait to hear more!
The idea of “married roommates” is a concept not explored until after taking the Marriage Dance Seminar. Living as “married roommates” is a silent barrier to experiencing the true and profoundly intimate relationship between husband and wife that is ordained by God. I applaud the closeness experienced when learning to speak to your spouse’s heart.
I thought my husband and I were doing just fine. Then I realized I was correct; we were … fine. We had always been friends and so the adjustment to marriage was easy. The concept of marriage roommates is very interesting and one I think a lot of people slip into unknowingly.
Your post on the concept of marriage roommates really got me thinking… My husband and I have been married for 17+ years. Many of our friends tell us they admire our relationship. While it is true we have a great time together, rarely argue, have 2 beautiful children, etc., I wondered if perhaps we have fallen into the roommate trap. We are both high achievers with strong personalities. When conflict does occur, the sparks fly… more like an inferno! Maybe we don’t argue much because we have learned how to be such good roommates (instead of speaking to each other’s hearts). I can’t wait to hear more on this topic.
I am so proud of the two of you – website is great and what an important topic. I have been married nearly 30 years and the challenge of keeping it fresh and not becoming roomates (especially a roomate you wish would move out!) – is something one really has to work on. Kidlets come and that changes things, but they also leave and that changes things as well. Kuddos