I spoke to a ladies’ group recently on the topic of “Following with Strength.” In a chat with the meeting planner beforehand she said, “Many of our ladies would be happy to follow, but their husbands refuse to lead. Be sure to comment on that.”
In both ballroom dance and Christian marriage, the man is given the task of leading. Those are about the only two places in our society where men are still asked to lead. My nephew graduated from high school in 1990. I clearly remember a school board member calling on the male graduates to, “step aside and let the women lead.” The community was outraged. But in the intervening years, that is exactly what has happened. How many TV ads can you name (sporting event ads aside) in which the man doesn’t have to get the information from his wife? How many current family sitcoms don’t portray Dad as a doofus? Even comic strips (Sally Forth, Sherman’s Lagoon) portray Dad as either an overgrown adolescent or a buffoon.
The role models have changed. Before they can lead, our men need to see themselves as God intends them to be and not buy into the media portrayal.
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I teach High School, and it is interesting to see my students gravitate toward the male teachers on campus who do indeed “lead”.
There is something intangible, and yet so compelling for both male and female students alike, who see men on campus leading, whether by example, words, or both.
As a male teacher, my hope and prayer is that I can model for the boys what it looks like to lead confidently, and for the girls, what a “masculine leader” should look like.
My hope is to spare the boys the heartache of not stepping into their God-given role, and the girls the heartache of finding “weak” men who are unwilling/unable to lead.
It sounds like we have missed the boat on training up our boys for leadership and our girls to be helpmates.
In our own marriages, we can’t change our husbands, but by changing our response to them, they may rise to the challenge.
This is so true! Commercials these days are very derogatory toward men in general.
I think that encouraging men to lead involves letting them make mistakes, trusting God to protect and work things out for the family, even if the decision appears unwise. There are few things more disarming than for a wife, after having expressed in a loving way her concerns/ feelings /thoughts, to communicate to a husband, “Go ahead and I’ll trust the Lord to work through you for my good. I’ll trust you to do right for me.” This has made me think harder about choices and, at the least, to make sure that she will be blessed in the decision.
Steve,
Thanks so much for your comment. This is definitely one of the things we talk about in the “Following with Strength” portion of the seminar. You stated the point very well.
One of the things we discovered in learning to do ballroom was that if the lady kept trying to lead, the man would NEVER learn how. Either he would passively let his wife lead—so he wouldn’t learn how OR he would let her lead but he would be doing the slow burn under the surface. We watched a number of these guys stop coming. Their wives didn’t seem to know why. They would come by themselves for awhile. When that happens in dance, it’s sad. When it happens in marriage, it’s tragic. The ladies out there need to hear what you’re saying, Steve. Thanks.
Excellent point! What a shocking statement at your nephew’s graduation, partly because they acctually admitted what the intention was. It usually comes out in more subtle ways, such as the TV and comic portrayals of men. Your last sentence is so important, that men see themselves as God intends them to be, since some of the attitudes today are reactions to the overbearing, tyranical male behavior of the past. Only following God’s plan can stop the pendulum from swinging and produce marriages that truly represent Christ and His church.
I think unfortunately ladies got what they were fighting for: “equal rights”. For so many years they were trying to push men out of leading positions, so men finally gave them what they want. And as we know it: it is hard to satisfy a woman. Now ladies need to work very hard and passionately to build up their guys self esteem and confidence, push their own ego aside and I think we have a chance to renew our men. Hope it is not too late.
I couldn’t agree more. It has long been one of my pet peeves that there are very few, if any television shows that show men as true leaders. I always try to remember the lesson from the old story, “What the Good Man Does is Always Right”. =)
I agree. Sitcoms of the 1990s on have portrayed men as bumbling and brainless. The women take the leadership roles. It’s like the woman has one extra child (her husband). I may be old-fashioned, but I love Ward Cleaver in “Leave it to Beaver.” Don’t women want their husbands to be strong and supportive?
Having this topic in mind made me read a Facebook post by a friend of mine in a whole new light. It’s meant to be a cute story about her four year old, but it just made me feel a little sad. I’m not judging her marriage or her parenting, but it illustrates so well what is becoming a pervasive attitude in our culture that even a four year old can pick up on:
“N: “Mom, are policemen the boss of all of us?” Me: “Yes they are” N: “But policemen are boys…” Me: “There are girl police” N: “Oh, so the girl police boss the boy police and they are the boss of all of us?”