A great way to get everyone to tense up is to use the word “tension” in the context of marriage. An example would be, “There is some tension in their relationship.” We don’t usually consider the fact that tension has the potential to be good.
Consider the idea of cooperative tension. In dance, there are two principles. The first is called tone and resistance. This is when the man presses on the lady’s hand as he leads and she presses back. If he tries to get her to turn and is met by a limp arm and body, it will be very difficult for him to lead. If, on the other hand, she resists him slightly with a taught arm and body, she will turn easily and the motion will be gentle and beautiful.
It is the same with the second principle which I’ll call opposing body weights. The man and woman are facing each other, but both are pulling their heads to their own left creating a slight tension. The lady is also gently pulling away from the man so that some of her weight is pressing into the hand he has around her waist. This creates a slight tension—a cooperative tension that will help them dance beautifully.
You may remember playing on your front lawn as a child. You stood face to face with your friend, took each other’s hands, leaned back, and slid your feet to turn in a circle. Leaning back created a cooperative tension that enabled you to turn quickly—and giggle loudly!
This cooperative tension also works in marriage. If a husband and wife know—I mean, really know—their mate is rooting for them—that they are on the same team—they have the freedom to say, “I don’t think what you’re doing is working.” “I think a better idea might be . . .” “I love you and I don’t want to see you get hurt.” There is tension in all three of these statements—but it is a cooperative tension. It is a tension that says, “I love you and want what’s best for you.” It is a tension that creates a stronger, more beautiful marriage.
