I had a million things to do. My mind was racing. Email our contact for the upcoming seminar. Update the church visit notes. And it might be nice to take a shower.
The problem began when I asked Bob if he would upload the new workbook cover to Amazon. He started the process by making the call, but he wanted me to stay put so I could give my input on the details. That was fine and good—until they put him on hold.
My immediate response was to see if I could do anything on my mental list while we were on hold. “Oh, no,” says Bob. “That’s your chair. Please sit in it.” I was desperate to work on my to-do list, but any attempt to leave—however brief—was met with resistance from Bob.
What was going on?
I grew up in a home where I carried a lot of responsibility. Efficiency was highly valued by my dad. My default mode is: What do I need to do, and how fast can I get it done? Bob had a highly efficient mother with a long to-do list. Often, she would enlist his help and then leave to do her next task. That was painful for him. In his mind, I was doing the same thing.
You can look at this problem using ballroom dance as an analogy. The man moves forward and unintentionally lands on his lady’s toes. At the same time, the woman moves forward and unintentionally lands on the man’s toes. Neither meant to hurt their partner, but there they both stand—motionless and in pain.
Do you and your partner find yourselves stepping on each other’s toes?
How does it happen? What are the circumstances surrounding these unpleasant events?
This is a good opportunity to get to know your spouse a little better. Tell them they seem a little perturbed. Was there something you just said or did that hurt them? Let them know that it is never your desire to hurt them. If you don’t know how you’re causing the pain, you won’t be able to stop it. Perhaps they will continue the conversation by asking if they caused you discomfort and how they did it.
May God get you past some sticking points in your marriage and take you to a deeper level.
P.S. This blog post was composed in my head while sitting patiently in the chair waiting.
