Recently we watched a movie that was intended to be funny. An adult son is concerned his mother will have a second heart attack if she finds out East Germany has fallen. When she wakes up from an eight-month coma, he develops an intricate ruse to keep her from finding out the truth. He is constantly running from one side of town to the other, scrounging items made in the old East Germany, creating false daily news to play on her VHS which she believes is live TV. At one point, his girlfriend tells him, “I don’t have you because you are always consumed with this charade for your mother.”
That line was too true to be funny. For me, it was a timely truth as I have been consumed dealing with an issue that started long ago. It has consumed my mind, it has consumed my physical energy, and it has consumed my heart. As long as it consumes me, I can never give all of me to my spouse. He can ask me a question and I’ll answer it, but my thoughts are darting in multiple directions and he is only one of them. He can share his heart, but I’m not really focusing on him. I’m not going deep. He only gets the leftovers. And that’s not all. As long as I’m running around acting like I’m in charge of fixing the problem, I’m giving God my leftovers too.
What are the things that occupy your mind and energy and heart? An imminent deadline at work? An ongoing war with a sibling? Looming financial concerns? What makes you unavailable to take the time to go into your heart? What keeps you in your head? What are the concerns that make you unavailable to your spouse and cause him to get your leftovers?
I was reading a devotional this morning. It reminded me I will never master all my problems. About the time I think I have one taken care of, another one pops up. It’s an ongoing problem. If I live my life racing from one fire to another, my spouse will never get all of me until I take care of the real problem—my heart.
I need to acknowledge Father God as the solution to all my problems. No matter how efficient I am, I will never take care of all my problems. He is the only one who can bring peace to my heart. And when I can trust Him and rest in His peace, it frees me to live in love with my spouse and enjoy him. Finally, I can give my spouse—and my Heavenly Father—all of me.
