Bob’s words were gentle, but to the point: “You seem frustrated—again.” Pause. “You know, I’ve been working with God on resolving some of my problem areas. How about you?” It wasn’t what I wanted to hear, but he was “speaking the truth in love.” (Ephesians 4:15)
Today I started a journal page for a person who hurt me deeply. One by one, I wrote down the offenses—the roadblocks —I was still holding on to, reviewing in my thoughts on a regular basis, and cradling in the dark areas of my heart. I know from experience I will not get them written down in a day or even in a few days. It takes time. I will sit with God and let Him show me what I need to record.
Even now I can see how festering wounds color my thinking and affect how I live my life. They affect my marriage. My wounds produce ingrained beliefs that I am on my own if I want to accomplish something. That I will have to fight for anything I want. That other people are obstacles to be overcome. This is almost never true with Bob—but he is still the recipient of the bad vibes and negative repercussions of the grudge I am holding against someone else.
At the risk of stating the obvious, this does not enhance our loving feelings.
Listen to God
So today I started the process of writing down the specifics of my bitterness, listening to God as He shows me how the bitterness has led to wrong thinking and wrong living—and irritating my spouse.
Bitterness is only one of the roadblocks that interferes with our relationships. Perhaps you struggle with an inordinate self-focus. You need to control the family schedule, budget, where you and your spouse will eat. You have to be right. Or maybe you have issues with never feeling you have enough. You have an insatiable desire for more, more, more and that disrupts the harmony you might otherwise have with your spouse. Maybe you feel you are not enough. You are afraid to let others, including your spouse, see you for who you really are. You are either puffing yourself up to look better or covering something up to ensure they’ll still like you.
Let Go of Sin
There are so many roadblocks, so many issues that blockade having a good relationship with the one we have vowed to love. May I just call them what they are? Sins. That’s what God calls them. “Sin” means thinking we are smarter than God and choosing to live our own way. God wants what’s best for us and when we trust Him and live life His way, our relationships—especially our marriage—come out better. If you want a better marriage, you need to let God deal personally and intimately with your sins. I need to let Him deal with mine.
Tomorrow I continue listening to God and writing in my journal. How about you?
