On Monday evening, February 12th, Bob took me out for Valentine’s Day. This is because Bob is intensely practical, and the restaurants are overcrowded if you wait until February 14th. In addition, he doesn’t want to get “in trouble” by waiting until after the day because then I might think he forgot.
The other side of the story is that I gave Bob a gift. Our whistling teapot had broken that morning, so I immediately went out and bought him one. It didn’t seem like much of a gift to me, but Bob loved it. I’ve learned over the years that if Bob wants something, he buys it. This eliminates all the good gift choices. He values “practical” and “done.”
Monday evening, I posted the first part of this story on my personal Facebook page. Many of my friends reminded me that we shouldn’t focus on celebrating one day. It’s putting value on every day of your marriage that is important.
I began reflecting on Bob’s and my marriage journey. Bob and I knew each other for seven years before we got married—casually for three years, two years in a close and special friendship, and two years dating. By then, our friends were taking bets on when we would get married. We were off to a good start, so please excuse my naiveté and arrogance in thinking we had arrived.
Bob had come from a stable Christian home. His fast-moving, productive family got a lot done at work, school, church, and in the community. I came from a tumultuous family in which I felt I had to take the bull by the horns to get things done. The result was that I was very happy in my harmonious marriage. For Bob, things were moving along at a good clip and that was exactly what he was used to, so he was happy.
Don’t Settle For Just Good
We were so ignorant of what could be, that we attended an advanced marriage seminar so we could help other married couples. To be accepted as a participant, we had to agree to be counseled in front of nine other couples. At our counseling session, this wise and godly counselor told us, “You know what your problem is? You are really good roommates—but you don’t know each other’s heart.”
His statement was the beginning of a new era in our marriage journey. We slowed down. We took time for each other—not just projects and “to do” lists—daily. We asked each other questions about the people and events that had molded us. We prayed with each other and invited God into the conversation. We both experienced a greater level of spiritual and emotional freedom. We knew there was someone who cared deeply for us and was rooting for us. We entered a satisfying era in our marriage journey that we previously didn’t know was possible.
Enjoy The Journey
About that time, God put a thought in my heart: No matter where you are in your marriage journey, He has something better. If it’s bad, He has a fix. If it’s mediocre, He can show you how to make it exciting again. If it’s fabulous, He knows how to make it better yet. Isn’t that great!
Where are you in your marriage journey this Valentine’s Day? What brought you together in the first place? What have been the moments of pure joy? What special events stand out in your memory? What have been the obstacles and struggles for you? How would you love to grow closer this year?
Take some time not just to celebrate the day, but to celebrate your journey. Happy Valentine’s Day from The Marriage Dance.
Note: Many of the conversation starters we used are contained in the appendices of The Marriage Dance: Moving Together as One, available on Amazon.
