“What do you need us to say to your people?”
We were talking to the director of a group where we were presenting a Marriage Dance seminar.
“Tell them they need to marry that girl they’re living with and raising children with.”
This was the youngest group we had spoken to—18 to 35-year-olds. They were from difficult backgrounds. Drugs. Alcohol. Many never met their father. They learned to do what brought them happiness in the moment. Through this organization, they found Jesus. They were changing for the better. But old lifestyles lingered.
How do you tell men and women who are 18 to 35 years old—who have lived together for years and have started families together—that God says they should get married? And why would a loving God tell them they need to do that?
We needed a lead-in:
“Would you like to improve your sex life?”
They smiled. Perhaps it was because we were at least twice their age and they thought this would be amusing. Nevertheless, I could see the guys on the front row leaning in, and they seemed very attentive.
We shared two points with them that day.
A woman wants to feel secure.
When a romantic relationship becomes a physical relationship, there is always a risk that the woman will get pregnant. When a man has made no long-term commitment to her, she is likely to be the one caring for that child or children. She needs to be careful. She needs to think about herself and what this relationship might mean. And when you are looking out for yourself, you are holding back. You are not completely giving yourself to that other person. Men who want a better sex life need to let their lady know they are there to stay. A good start is marrying her.
A woman wants to be cherished.
We also asked the men this question: When a woman gives herself to you sexually, are you satisfied with only her body or do you want her to give you her heart as well? Think about this for a minute. A woman wants to be cherished. The Apostle Paul advised in Ephesians 5:25, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” When a woman knows she is cherished—loved by her man to the extent that he would give his life for hers if that became necessary—loved to the point that he puts her interests and good above his own—that is when she gives herself to him entirely. Heart. Mind. And body.
How can a man improve his sex life? Tell your lady you are there to stay—no matter what. If a problem comes up, you’re not going to walk away from it. You’re not going to walk away from her. You’ll figure it out together. Tell her you love her. Show her every day by your actions that you cherish her. And the way you start doing that is by marrying her.
