Do you read through your friends’ Facebook posts and conclude that your marriage and your family just don’t measure up? Have you had a feeling of discontent settle into your spirit? It may be time to improve your marriage by improving your focus.
I decided to do an experiment—I logged into my Facebook page and categorized the first ten posts (minus ads and recipes). I realize I have a small sample size, but here are the categories.
- I’m married to the spouse of my dreams.
- I’ve had great success on a project I’m working on.
- My child is highly successful.
- My child said something cute.
- Here’s a cute picture of my child.
- I’m looking for information about . . .
- My family had a happy experience.
- I’d like to provide you with some information.
- Here’s a cute picture of my pet.
- Here’s my recent life situation.
My purpose isn’t to complain about Facebook. This type of sharing is the nature of Facebook. But if you’re already feeling “less than” and seven out of ten posts highlight how well all your friends seem to be doing in their marriages and families—it’s enough to throw you into a funk. What should you do?
Focus on What’s True
What you see and perceive to be true is probably not the whole story. Friends have told Bob and me that we never fight. Really? That’s what they think? The truth is that we don’t fight loudly and we don’t fight violently—but that doesn’t mean we don’t disagree on a regular basis. When those friends talk themselves into the lie that they disagree with their spouse and other married couples don’t, they will come up on the short end of an unfair, untrue comparison.
Seek and ask God for friends who are real enough to tell you the truth about themselves, their lives, and their marriage. Give them permission to point out when your perceptions are off base. It helps to have at least one mature Christian friend you can take your difficult marriage questions to and who will give you a straight answer and sound guidance.
Focus on What’s Good
When you are feeling down about your marriage, you can choose to focus on what your spouse did that they weren’t supposed to do or what they didn’t do that they should have done. If you rehearse it repeatedly in your head, you can work yourself up into a sizable snit. I’m not recommending this.
Instead, lay the misdeeds aside and focus on what you are grateful for. Philippians 4:8 tells us exactly what to focus our thoughts on—qualities and achievements that are good, honorable, right, pure, lovely, of good repute, excellent, and praiseworthy. Try that as a guaranteed spirit-lifter when you feel your marriage or your spouse isn’t up to snuff.
The next time you’re on Facebook and think everyone but you has talented toddlers, fancy houses, and exotic vacations, try focusing on what God has done for you—what’s really true and what’s really good about your spouse and your marriage. You may find that God has been taking care of you after all. See if your marriage doesn’t experience an immediate improvement.
This article first appeared on The Marriage Dance blog on December 14, 2016.
