Anyone who knows Bob personally will never believe this, but he can be stubborn. He denies this, of course. Sometimes he doesn’t listen to me and my brilliant logic. He doesn’t see things my way. Even my heartfelt pleas don’t cause him to see the light. I’ve tried pushing a little harder, but that usually achieves the opposite of my desired result.
You may have experienced the same problem in your marriage.
- Your budget has been short the last few months. You know you must take action and you know where you can cut. Your spouse doesn’t want to hear it.
- You are deeply concerned that your family’s priorities have gotten out of whack. You can’t even make it to church on a regular basis anymore. But your spouse thinks it is good to fill the family schedule with many positive activities.
- You disagree on how to discipline your kids. He thinks you’re too strict. You think he’s not looking deeply enough at the long-term consequences to your children’s actions.
I think the hardest disagreement is when your spouse hurts your feelings with something he says or does—or doesn’t say or doesn’t do. And he just doesn’t see it. Sometimes he even has the nerve to suggest the problem is your fault! What do you do then?
Instead of nagging, getting angry, withdrawing, or launching a passive-aggressive attack, try praying. A sample prayer might go something like this:
“Lord, You may have noticed we don’t have a happy household at the moment—and I know You desire peace and harmony in our home. I don’t know what to do about this problem, but I’m glad You do. I want to trust you, Lord. I want to conduct myself in a way that is pleasing to You—even though I’m not feelin’ it at the moment! Direct my thoughts. Correct them where they are wrong. Direct my feelings. Help me see and love my spouse the way You do. And, if my spouse needs an adjustment in his thinking, would You speak that directly to his heart.”
I have found this to be even more effective than the methods mentioned above. Sometimes God reveals to me that my solutions need tweaking. Other times, He reveals they need to be trashed. And then there are those times when Bob emerges a few hours or two days later and says, “Maybe you were right . . .”
The next time you think your spouse is being unreasonable—try praying. Even better, pray together for a common solution. You may both change–and change more quickly.
