Do you have negative thoughts that keep playing in your mind?
“No one is going to help me. I have to do this all by myself.”
“No one wants me. I am just unlovable.”
“Everyone else is more important than I am. I don’t measure up.”
You wish you could turn them off. Your spouse wishes you could turn them off because they work their way into your marriage relationship. They affect your emotions. They affect your actions. When you are living life focused on the negative, it hampers your ability to give and receive love freely.
All three solutions we will discuss start with understanding where the message is coming from. Negative thoughts are not from God. They are lies the devil wants you to believe. You may not have come from a supportive, helpful family but, “No one is going to help me,” is not a universal truth. Some people are more than willing to help you and be supportive. God definitely wants to help you. In fact, he asks you to rely on Him.
In the midst of a painful situation, you may have come to believe that you are unlovable. It is easy to focus on the person who hurt you and forget all the people who have expressed love and concern throughout your life. “No one loves me” is blatant when you look at it in light of the fact that God loved you enough to send His Son to die in your place.
As for everyone being more important and more capable than you—really? Everyone? It is almost certain you will find people who are more important or capable than you in certain areas. But if you look at yourself objectively, you have areas in which you excel. No one is best at everything. God made you with unique strengths that suit His unique purpose for you. That’s the truth.
So, the prerequisite for eliminating negative thoughts is to see them for what they are—lies from the devil. After you realize that, there are three methods we have found for “taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:5) This post addresses the first one: Confront the lie with the Truth.
The first method is to recognize the devil’s lie and apply God’s Truth. This is what Jesus did when he was tempted in the wilderness. For every twisted rendition of truth the devil gave Him, Jesus replied with an appropriate verse of Scripture to answer it.
You can do the same. When negative thoughts fill your head, ask: Where is this thought coming from? Is it consistent or inconsistent with God’s Word? If it is inconsistent, recognize that it is the devil’s lie, ask God to give you an appropriate verse of Scripture. For example, when the devil whispers, “No one is going to help you,” tell him, “Surely God is my help,” (Psalm 54:4a NIV) or “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” (Psalm 46:1 NIV) Quote the verse until the thought is captured. Eventually, it will leave you.
How does this play out in your marriage? Here’s a real-life, real-time example: As I was writing this post, Bob somehow forgot I was waiting dinner on him. My feelings were hurt. I began having negative thoughts:
“Where is Bob?”
“He’s going to pay for this one.”
It’s hard writing marriage tips with hurt feelings. Sometimes God makes me take my own advice. I prayed, “Lord, how would You handle this? I want to do this Your way. Will you give me a verse that applies?” God answered right away: “Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.” (I Peter 3:8-9 NIV)
It was more on-point than I wanted. But it was timely advice from The Source of good advice. It was useful for getting my attitude back in alignment. When Bob finally figured out he’d missed dinner, he appreciated God’s intervention. It allowed us to keep loving and moving together as one.
This week when you catch yourself dwelling on a negative thought–stop, think, and take it captive. (2 Corinthians 10:5) Ask God for a verse that will strengthen your faith and help you fight Satan’s flaming arrows. (Ephesians 10:16) Meditate on it until the negative thought subsides. And then, enjoy moving together as one with both God and your mate.
The next two posts will give you two more methods of handling negative thoughts.
This post was first published on The Marriage Dance blog on March 31, 2016.
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