Let’s face it. Every couple has their marital struggles. If you tell me you don’t, I think you’re not being straight with me—or with yourself—or you’re not looking deep enough. After all, we’re all human. And, if you accept the premise that everyone struggles with their spouse at times, it behooves us to see what we can do about it. But what? May I suggest trying a healing conversation with your spouse. Let me give you some sample words and phrases. You take the ideas and put them in your own words.
Healing Conversation Ideas
- When you and your spouse are at odds, it’s easy for emotions to get roughed up. Take care of the raw emotions first. Let your spouse know you love them, you’re not going anyplace and that you are committed for the long haul. It is easier to deal with a problem when you are on the same team.
“Do you know that I love you? Do you have any doubt that I love you?”
“Honey, I took a vow, ’Til death separates us.’ I meant it on our wedding day and I mean it now. Let’s put our heads together and figure out what to do about this situation/irritation/recurring problem because I want to get back to having fun with you instead of tip-toeing around this area.” - Let your spouse know you want to fully hear and understand them because your desire is to have an extraordinary marriage.
“Because I love you, I want to really understand—from your perspective–why we keep running into this problem. I love you too much to keep stumbling over this.” - Each of you state the problem as you see it. Be as specific as you can. Beware that there is often a problem you see, (“We always get to our appointments and events late.”) and an underlying problem, (“In my family, it was considered rude to arrive late, and I feel terrible when we are late.” Or, “You leave me with all the details of getting out the door and then blame me when we are late.”) Listen for both problems. After you get the presenting problem on the table, ask the all-important question: “What about that is so important to you?” Listen carefully for the heart issue.
- Try to find a solution. It would be a good idea to pray and ask God for His ideas. What does God tell you in His Word that directly applies to this situation? It may be something practical you can implement like: “The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is slave to the lender.” (Proverbs 22:7) Or, it might pertain to attitude: “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility consider one another as more important than yourselves. (Philippians 2:3)
You might say, “Here are some of my ideas.” “What are your ideas?” “What can we agree to try?” - Reaffirm your love and commitment. You never want to lose the relationship. Make sure your spouse knows that.
“I never want to lose you.” “I look forward to our marriage getting better and better.”
What are the sticking points and irritations in your marriage? Try a healing conversation. If you have a happy result, we’d love to hear about it.
How to Resolve Conflicts in Your Marriage is a downloadable booklet on this topic available for FREE on our website here.
