Part 1: Communication 101
Pick up almost any marriage curriculum and there will be a section on how to communicate with your spouse. Small wonder. When you add male-female differences to personality differences to love language differences, it’s a wonder we can communicate with our mate at all. While the communication techniques offered by many wonderful teachers can be extremely helpful, few go back to look at what the Bible has to say about communication in general. And, of course, the general counsel we find in God’s Word also applies when we are dealing with our spouse.
The Power of the Tongue
The Bible talks about the importance of the tongue. Proverbs 18:21 says that death and life are in the power of the tongue. Think back to a time you said something to your spouse that cut them to the quick. Their head and shoulders dropped. They got quiet. You thought they might be holding back tears. You may have been sorry afterwards, but the damage was done. On the other hand, think of a time when you spoke encouraging, life-giving words that touched your spouse’s heart deeply. They looked up and their eyes held yours. You were drawn closer together at that moment. Such is the power of your words.
James poetically illustrates the power of the tongue. He compares it to a small object—a horse’s bit—which enables the rider to guide the horse. In the same way, the rudder of a ship turns the entire ship, and a small spark can set an entire forest ablaze. (James 3:3-6). James goes on to say that our tongues are full of deadly poison. (James 3:8) That is strong language, but it is well worth considering before we let loose on our spouse with mean words that will do them and the marriage serious harm.
1 DO and 1 DON’T for Harnessing your Tongue
The next time you speak to your spouse and have the opportunity to give words of death or words of life, the Bible gives you a simple checklist to use before blurting anything out.
Ephesians 4:29 says:
- Don’t let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth.
- Say only what is helpful for building your spouse up.
- What we say should meet your spouse’s current need. (What you say may be true and helpful. But maybe this isn’t the moment they need to hear it.)
- It should benefit them. (Ephesians 4:29)
- Colossians 4:6 adds that we should speak words that are gracious.
Run through this short checklist before you set any forests on fire. Carefully choose the precise words that will build your spouse up and strengthen your marriage.
