Part 2: Good Communication Starts in Your Heart
Good communication is a necessary skill in marriage. It is an opportunity to build our spouse up and enrich our marriage relationship. But often it becomes a stumbling block where we inflict pain on our spouse. Last week, we looked at what the Bible has to say about the power of the tongue and we also gave a brief, biblical checklist of the do’s and don’ts of communicating.
Check Your Motivation
Before we utter a word, it is helpful to ensure that our motivation for speaking is right and right motivation starts in your heart.
James 1:19 says, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” I have this little problem: Sometimes I assume I know what Bob is going to say and what my answer should be before I give Bob a chance to finish his thought. I may not come across as angry, but I have been told I get defensive. How much better to have a heart that is eager to listen and learn and become more Christ-like. That’s what builds a marriage. How about you? Are you quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry?
The Bible also tells us that a friend (or spouse) loves at all times. (Proverbs 17:17) That’s a communication skill that starts in the heart. While I would like my motivation to be Bob-centered, I must admit that too often it is me-centered. That’s pride; not love. And it will throw a monkey wrench into good communication every time.
In 2 Corinthians 1:7, Paul commends the Corinthians for sharing in his sufferings and also in his comfort. Certainly, that is a motivation that starts in the heart and should be central to our relationship with our spouse.
Actions Speak Louder Than Words
We must also remember that it is not only our good intentions that form the foundation of good communication. It is not only what we say either. I John 3:18 reminds us, “Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.” Our intentions and words are only as good as what we demonstrate with our deeds. Often our bad habits wind up hurting our spouse: too much time spent on screens, too many purchases put on the credit card. Our intentions may be good, and we may say we’re going to stop, but our communication becomes more powerful when our deeds back it up.
How is your motivation when you communicate with your spouse? Have you listened well before you start speaking? Is your motivation to love your spouse more than you love yourself? Have you set your heart to share your mate’s sufferings, no matter what they are? Do you prove that you are sincere about what you say by demonstrating it with your actions? If your answers are “yes,” you’ve laid a foundation for good communication.
