Who do you have in your life who you love dearly—but they make you a little nuts? And, what is it they do that makes you nuts? Could it be something that—under normal circumstances—you appreciate about them? Do you need more “flexible” in your marriage?
I married Steady Eddy—a.k.a. “Bob.” I know I can rely on him to do things the same way every time. He is a creature of habit. Usually, that’s a good thing. I appreciate that he is reliable, and stable, and—steady. Every day he puts his clothes on in exactly the same order. If I order his dessert, I know it has to be chocolate. He even takes his vitamins in the same order—alphabetically. Usually Bob’s steadiness complements my tendency to be more free-spirited or to do things differently each time just because I can.
Occasionally his steadiness steps all over my toes and makes me a little nuts. Does your special person sometimes step all over your toes and make you nuts?
A couple of years ago Bob and I participated in a Train-the-Trainer boot camp. On the first day of the boot camp, our trainer laid out the rules: If you were late for any session, you had to sing a song, do a dance, or tell a joke—audience’s choice. Personally, I like being on time. So does Bob. But can you appreciate that this rule added considerable pressure?
That year, Bob was studying Spanish. Every morning he’d put on his headphones, pop in the CD, and practice the drills.
CD: “Como estan Pablo y Luisa?”
Bob: “Pablo esta bien pero Luisa tiene catarro.”
The drills took 30-40 minutes. And Bob never skipped a day. And he always did them first thing in the morning.
At 5:30 the next morning, I sat bolt upright in bed. Sweat was popping off my forehead. I was a wreck. I knew I was just bound to be late for our class.
“I need a song! How about a short one? . . . ‘This is your morning song. It isn’t very long.’ Yeah. That’ll work.”
“And a dance. ‘Rock step, step-together-step.’ Okay. I have my dance.”
“And a joke. I’m no good at jokes. Okay. ‘A lawyer, a doctor, and a terrorist walked into a bar.’ Yeah. Now I need a punch line. What’s the punch line???”
Do you have someone in your life you love—most of the time—because they have a personality characteristic that complements yours. But sometimes, when they do what they’ve always done, they make you nuts?
As it turned out, what I feared never came to pass. Bob drove me to the door while he parked the car to ensure I’d be on time. I didn’t have to sing. And it wasn’t the end of the world. Even if I did have to sing, it wouldn’t have been the end of the world. Bob even stopped to buy me a cup of my morning coffee on the way up (my little quirk) and he was on time—if you call a photo finish being on time.
So what do you do when your partner is making you nuts? Give him or her a little grace and be willing to roll with the punches. Big problems will need to be talked through and a viable solution reached. But most daily irritations are insignificant.
You have to be flexible in order to do “the dance.”
