It’s been over five years since Bob and I started taking ballroom dance lessons. I remember the early days when we would rotate around the room apologizing to each partner: “I’m sorry. I have no idea what I’m doing.” Only a few years later we had obtained a limited degree of competency. We generally understood how to dance ourselves out of a corner. We could even dance an entire song without maiming ourselves or anyone else. Last week we were taking a private lesson and working on the Viennese Waltz. We now have the stamina to make it around the room a couple of times. We’re able to incorporate the pendulum motion which is characteristic of Viennese. Occasionally we even add a touch of our own unique style. Bob commented, “That was fun! I actually felt like I was dancing!”
It’s taken a long time to get here—and I’m not saying we’re any good. Isn’t that just like marriage? You arrive on the scene as newlyweds with a vision for what your marriage should look like. But, when it comes right down to it, you’re stepping on each other’s toes. Things are expected of you that you never imagined would be. You find yourself in a corner and you don’t know how to get out of it.
If you hang in there long enough, you attain a certain degree of competency. You know what is important to your spouse, what hurts their feelings, what makes them smile. You’ve found out what each person’s strengths are and how you can best function as a team.
Those who commit to the long haul (and a lot of work) move beyond competency to a deep satisfaction–a joy—a knowledge that they can speak to their spouse’s heart. A realization creeps over you: We’ve finally learned to dance!
