“Will you teach me how to make spaghetti sauce?” That was the seemingly innocent question Bob asked me one Sunday afternoon.
You have to understand that Bob doesn’t cook—except for his famous omelets oozing with cheese and the pan-size pancakes he makes when we’re camping. He has always specialized in balancing checkbooks, reading contracts, and doing taxes. These have a formula and a correct answer and left-brained people like Bob feel comfortable doing them.
In my opinion, cooking requires some science and some art—and Bob only wants the science part. Two opposites on the marriage spectrum.
“Will you teach me how to make spaghetti sauce?”
“Why, I’d be delighted to. First, you brown the ground beef.” (So far, so good.) “Then look through the refrigerator and see what else might be good in it. An onion is a good choice,” I said, handing him a large sweet onion. “And look—here’s a green pepper.”
Bob was beginning to look uncomfortable, and I believe there was perspiration sprouting on his forehead. “Oh, Kalamata olives.” I continued. “Let’s chop some of those in too!”
“Wait,” he shouted. “I want you to teach me how to make spaghetti sauce. I need to know what to put in it. What is the recipe?” (I suspect “the recipe” is a synonym for “the formula.”)
“Well, Bob,” I tried to explain, “there’s not just ONE recipe.”
“No.” he insisted, “Give me the standard recipe! Why won’t you tell me the recipe?”
I kept trying to explain the improvisational nature of spaghetti sauce and he kept wanting the ONE.
I could go on, but you get the idea. What do you do when you are dealing with your spouse who almost certainly does not think or do things the way you do? They say opposites attract and I believe it. We pick someone who is our opposite because—down deep—we know we need them. Heaven help us if I were in charge of balancing checkbooks, reading contracts, or doing taxes. And as for Bob and anything that requires a little flair—well . . . Our adult daughters invite him over for dinner when I’m gone to make sure he doesn’t kill himself eating three omelets a day.
So, how do you handle the struggles that are sure to come?
- If it is something more serious than how to make spaghetti sauce and you are able to just entrust the matter to the person who is better able to handle it—do that.
- Realize that you both have strengths. If both of you are able to speak and do from your area of strength, you will arrive at a better result.
- If it is not a weighty matter, learn to laugh at your differences.
- Learn to give your spouse information or help the way they need to receive it.
So, how did I finally teach Steady Eddy to make spaghetti sauce? Here’s the correct formula for him: Brown the meat. Go to the pantry and get a can of Del Monte spaghetti sauce. Dump. Mix. Heat. DONE!
