Why do I write a blog post on godly marriage each week? Why did Bob and I spend years writing The Marriage Dance and completing the accompanying workbook for small groups? And why do we give seminars and workshops? Why?
If you had asked me that question a few weeks ago, I would have answered that I wanted to see husbands and wives who were experiencing joy and harmony and passion in their marriage the way I believe God intended. That’s still true. I do.
But a few weeks ago, Bob and I attended a conference. Darren LaCroix urged us to clarify our purpose. What really drives us to do what we do? So I thought a little deeper.
I thought about a little girl named Roxy—about eight or nine years old. She lived within the confines of an uneasy truce between Mom and Dad. Dad was self-focused and Mom kept the peace by catering to him. Sometimes that worked, and sometimes it didn’t.
While small children may not understand the dynamics of what is going on, it affects them. They become insecure. They overachieve in an attempt to stay in their parents’ good graces. Or they say, “Phooey on the whole thing,” and rebel. I’m sure there are many other less-than-optimal responses as well.
I realized that as much as I want your marriage to be as wonderful as it can be, I want even more for your children to grow up in a home where they feel loved, confident, stable. I want them to grow up thinking that marriage is wonderful—not, “Why would I ever get married?” That’s what drives me most of all.
Take a moment and think about your relationship with your spouse. Does it communicate to your children that they are safe? Can they grow and explore who God made them to be without assuming responsibility for mommy and daddy’s next argument? Can they have fun in your home and see that the relationship between a man and a woman is beautiful when it’s done the way God intended it?
There is another element to this. A godly marriage can be a calling card that attracts others to a relationship with God. In the midst of my childhood turmoil, I was invited to attend a church near my home. A little boy in my Sunday School class delighted in talking about his family. He was happy and secure and fun-loving. I began watching his family to see if what I was hearing from him was true. After some time, I concluded it was. And I knew that was what I wanted when I grew up. Without their knowing it, his parents’ marriage and his family’s testimony drew me closer to God. Would someone who didn’t know God want to know Him based on what they see in your marriage?
3 far-reaching effects of a godly marriage
- That you will have a better, happier, more fulfilling life.
- That you will provide a happy, stable foundation for your children.
- And that you may have the opportunity to draw others closer to Christ because they will want what you have.
This post raises concerns and possibilities without giving answers. We do have answers. Answers about how to get rid of your baggage so you can stop having “the recurring argument.” Answers about letting God heal your unresolved wounds so you are able to move together as one. The answers do not originate with us. They originate with God’s Word. If you would be open to hearing them, you can:
- Sign up to receive our free weekly marriage tips.
- Read our blog.
- Buy and read The Marriage Dance and companion workbook.
- Invite us to speak at your church or small group.
We would love to share God’s principles to make your marriage dance!
This article was originally published on our blog on July 14, 2016.