Bob’s Reflections on 40 years of Marriage

The Benefits of Marriage

We have just crossed the 40-year mark in our marriage and it seemed reasonable to share our reflections on what we have appreciated about those years. We hope it will stimulate you to consider what you have enjoyed most about your own marriage.

Bob’s Reflections

Roxann—

I am thankful that our 40 years of marriage has been an outstanding experience for me. Many do not have that experience. Over the last 40 years, you have become the most important person in my life other than Jesus Himself. Some of the benefits I experienced were:

1. I like to go places. It is a joy for me to have you as my companion on those trips. Whether it is a vacation, a weekend, an evening together, or just being at home, I have enjoyed your companionship. I don’t mind being alone sometimes, but it is boring to always be alone. Even when we did not have serious conversations, I had a companion with whom to share the experience and time.
2. I like talking to you and with you. There are many subjects that we discuss. Sometimes we have a similar perspective and sometimes we don’t. Either way, the conversation can be enriching. It helps me to clarify what I am thinking. It adds perspective. Decisions are better when there are two people to analyze the situation. I feel more confident in arriving at a better conclusion and not just confirming the bias I already believed. I am more confident that we made the right choice when we both agree. Having life to share with someone relieves the loneliness of living alone.
3. I enjoy doing projects with you. We work well together: The Marriage Dance, church projects, Sunday school, political campaigns, speech contests, speaking together or working on the other’s speech, planning events, writing. Writing the book wasn’t as easy as we thought it would be, but we learned more precisely where our strengths lie and where they don’t.
4. It sure was helpful to be in agreement on our life’s goals. We spent a lot more time taking care of children in the first 25 years of marriage than in the last 15. It was fulfilling to have worked together with you to raise our children. Our different perspectives made the decisions stronger, and gave us more options. We avoided more problems. I think it gave our kids a more stable foundation for their family and future life. They entered marriage confident that it could be fulfilling because they lived it.
5. Considering how hard Hollywood tries to sell sex outside of marriage, it is way better to have it in marriage. I have enjoyed that too. I would be lying if I left that out. No guilt; No need for excuses; No need to lie; Trust remains and grows stronger. The truth seems obvious. It is too bad that more people don’t choose to see it.
6. God and you have taught me to love. Most men don’t understand emotional intimacy without help. I see my own needs more clearly than I see yours. But with you, I have someone to care about and someone to care for me. Someone to hold closely and touch as well as someone to laugh and cry with. To love and be loved. To care and be cared for. To know someone well and be known by them. A friend is a valuable thing. Someone you can share secrets with.

Here’s to a continuing relationship that is all that it can be. Thank you for forty years.

And now, it’s your turn again. What have you appreciated about your marriage? What are you grateful for? Write it down. Share your reflections with your spouse. Stick it in your Bible and keep adding to it.